IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS GOLF.

   The Big Kahuna was fascinated with the game and he saw that golf was good and excelled at the game. Many black holes have appeared throughout the universe because of his superior ball striking power.

    The Big Kahuna loved the game of golf. He grew anxious to share his pleasure, so he created these friends for his entertainment. When he looked in the mirror he saw his image and "Flog Dogs" came to be.

    Since the Big Kahuna was everywhere, Flog Dogs were given the freedom to play golf throughout the universe. Rainbows were straight at that time and the little Flog Dogs could use them to beam themselves to any number of stellar courses.

    One of the Flog Dogs favorite destinations was the Garden of Eden, where they entertained and taught Adam and Eve this wonderful game. Adam and Eve were also created in the Big Kahunas image but did not look anything like him. The Flog Dogs also taught Adam and Eve how to mow and care for the greens.

    Flog Dogs in keeping the sport equal were bound by strict club rules. The "big one" was the only club allowed. Adam and Eve were forbidden to touch the "big one". One day when Eve was talking to the cobras and snake eyes about her desire to perfect her game, she was coaxed into picking up the forbidden club by the local serpents, and tried it on for size. It was love at first touch! The next day at the Country Club of Eden, an eighteen hole, par seventy course, Adam and Eve met for their usual morning round of golf. After Eve scored an amazing eighteen on the course, a feat only Flog Dogs could accomplish, Adam knew something was drastically wrong. He had never seen a woman play like a Flog Dog, she must have touched "The Club". He knew to compete he would have to get his hands on the "Big Club". From that moment on the game of golf would be cursed with slicing, hooking, chili dipping and all manners of lies. The curse was placed upon all mankind. The rainbow was bent, never to be straight again and the Flog Dogs were stranded on Earth.

    The Flog Dogs were amused but unimpressed with man. They soon became bored playing with them, so they traveled throughout the planet looking for more challenging opponents. Leprechauns, fairies and elves were more their size. They seemed to have the power to play birdie golf and could play all over the planet. Time passed and they had fun until mysteriously the Flog Dogs were being beaten by them with double holes in one and even an occasional triple hole in one, a feat that only Flog Dogs were capable of.

    An investigation was launched. Since elves could only occasionally play golf because of their busy work schedule, focus was placed on the leprechauns and fairies. It is not odd for leprechauns, fairies and Flog Dogs drives to appear as if the ball was on a rail to the hole. The Flog Dogs observed leprechauns and fairies illegal plays. It seemed that the fairies were small enough to hide in the holes. One would hide in the hole and one would hit the ball. The one in the hole would take the ball from hole to hole making it appear to be making multiple holes in one.

    This angered the Flog Dogs and a curse was placed on the leprechauns, fairies and elves. They were from that time on only permitted to play in the fields on miniature golf courses, (today these fields are known as crop circles that they had to construct in darkness and they were forbidden to use the same course twice). Since that day most find the game too toilsome and have given the game up altogether.

    In the early eighteen hundreds during the Industrial Revolution, the Big Kahuna agreed to allow the railroad barrens to fashion their RR spikes after the Flog Dogs because of their amazing ability to keep their heads down. A RR spike fashioned in this manner would make the trains safer. All agreed, a patent was granted, and the big Kahuna returned to Flog.

    The RR barrens were very sly and knew that steel was in short supply and Flog Dogs were everywhere so they set their plan into motion. They would need thirty six million spikes to build their track from Liverpool to Manchester and set out to enlist six million Flog Dogs. Recruiters trained by the RR combed the countryside with an offer the Dogs could not refuse. Word of this offer spread, after all a life time membership to Europe’s greatest golf courses for three years of service, to the Dogs this meant for the first time they were free to play the daylight hours. Camps were set up along the RR route where the Flog Dogs could enlist for service and they were disassembled and hardened and given the name spike. Thus began the Flog Dogs service to the RR in Europe.

    In 1856, around the time of the Victorian Industrial Revolution, the growth of the railways took its toll on the Flog Dog population. Their service time had to be extended, some were able to free themselves but most kept their heads down and held the rails straight. At the same time, ordinary people could explore the country and golf clubs sprang up all over Europe.  Metal club heads and shafts rolled off production lines and average people were finally able to play golf. By 1860 the railways of Europe were nearly finished and the Flog Dogs had all but vanished.

    At the same time the New World was developing at a rapid pace. Thousands of miles of track were laid and although Flog Dogs were classified as an endangered species, most were captured and forced to work the rails.

    Until recently few Americans have heard of golf gods, let alone seen one in the wild. Thanks to a dog named Lucy (nicknamed The Silver Bullet), who frequently runs along a short section of track west of Beaumont, California where she chases rabbits in the hills just outside of town, Americans can now know the truth of the matter… 

COPYRIGHT 2007